i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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