I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
