Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
