he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
