I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
