i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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