I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
