You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
