i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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