So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
