It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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