Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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