So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
