Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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