If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize