I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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