Got a toothbrush?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
