You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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