like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
