that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
