Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
