Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
