so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
