all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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