When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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