escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
