Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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