Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize