I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
