i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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