my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Boobs are out for the taking
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
