I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize