a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
