sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
