Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Boobs are out for the taking
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
