im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
