Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
