Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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