You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
