In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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