when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
