I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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