Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
