just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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