next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
