Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
