I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
