what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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