someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
