Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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