First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
its not stalking. its research.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
