Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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