Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize