OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
