If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
