well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
