he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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