Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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