I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
