Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
