I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
