between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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