I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Drunk is not a location!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
