Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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