In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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