Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
