could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
