i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
